How To Talk To Your Spouse When They're Defensive. Remember, there is a cycle of attack/defend. Even in the moment when you’re not attacking… Their perception alters their reality. That’s called a trigger. They may be responsible for their reaction… (The gap between the trigger and the response)… But if you can help them pull the trigger… You can help them put the gun down. My wife tells you, defensiveness is the hardest thing she had to learn to control. We show you how to flip defensiveness in
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